kimyadawson:

Yesterday a buddy of mine, who was finishing up 1st grade, leaned on my arm during the moving up day ceremony and started to cry. “Did you know I’m not coming back?” he asked. “I’m going to miss you so much. I miss you already. I already miss you so much.” He said. And I patted him on the head. He quietly meowed.

He came to the school partway into the year. A little boy with very big feelings and we clicked right away. We spent a lot of time reading and playing games together in the hallway when staying in class was just too much. The teacher didn’t have much patience with him in particular.

The first book we read together was about a cat. A cat that saved her kittens from a burning building.

The first time I saw him really melt down and slide onto the floor and shut down triggered something deep inside of me. When I was younger and I used to get really upset and anxious and overwhelmed I would curl up in a ball and shut down. I would retreat into the darkness of my mind. And the hardest part was finding my way back out without feeling ashamed or awkward. How could I get so intense and then turn it back off? How could I just be done melting and open my eyes and talk like nothing had happened?

So he was lying there on the floor and I said “Are you a kitty?” And he looked at me slowly and meowed. And I said “Oh what a sweet sweet kitty!” And he got to his hands and knees and crawled over and rubbed his head on my leg. And I patted his head and said “Good kitty. What a sweet little kitty.” Over and over again, until the kitty felt okay turning back into a little boy.

And that was our thing all year. It wasn’t foolproof. Sometimes he would get so mad and scream and yell at me and tell me he hated me. Sometimes he would turn into a barking dog or a snarling tiger. But I always gave him that out. The way out of that darkness in the form of a sweet little cat. I think it helped him know that even in the midst of intense rage he wasn’t trapped and he didn’t need to feel embarrassed. And I wasn’t going to try to make him process his feelings. He could lose it, vanish into the abyss, become a tiger, then a kitty, then re-emerge - no questions asked. Sometimes it’s really hard to be a human.

Sometimes the lessons I teach are the ones I am struggling to learn the most, like:

Don’t let the despair gobble you up.

We won’t stay in touch. I don’t even know his last name. He is going far away. I hope wherever he goes people love him and help remind him that he is sweet and strong and funny and brave.

I hope I remember that I am sweet and strong and funny and brave too.

Meow.

@2 days ago with 347 notes